Complications of A Big Heart/Shadows of The Past

As I've stated before, I'm adopted. I came to live with this family in 1995. For the most part it has been great! Just like any normal family we have our issues. I wouldn't trade my family for the world. 

Here's my story...

I was born into drugs, alcohol, prostitution, and various other things. My earliest memory is from when I was a year and a half. We were bringing my newborn little sister home. Needless to say I've got a lot of memories. For the most part they're all bad. 

We moved around a lot. Never really staying anywhere for long. We lived anywhere from motels, trailers, apartments, town homes, to cars. And for the majority of the time, we were without things like heat and electricity. To take baths we had to heat water up on the stove, and dump it in the tub. Once there was enough water all five of us would take turns bathing in the same water. 

The food stamps we received weren't enough. Many times for dinner we'd get a slice of fried bologna. One pack of it would feed all of us for a week. There was no such thing as pop or candy for us. If we were lucky enough to have milk, it was powdered. When we didn't we'd eat the cereal that we stole from school with water. Even the water was bad, coming straight from a well or a neighbors water hose most of the time. 

We lived in freezing temperatures during winter. Everyone wearing everything they can, and all huddled under the same blanket to keep warm. Seeing our breath in doors was a common occurrence. Staying up all night in front of the oven with the door open trying to get some kind of heat was as well. 

My father was a violent, abusive alcoholic. Many times I witnessed him beating my mother, and constantly being arrested for guns, drugs, domestic violence, and assault. He would chase us around the house throwing knives at our feet. We would constantly lock ourselves in the bathroom to get away from him. There was no escaping, he would always eventually kick in the door. 

My mother was also an alcoholic with a drug problem. She wasn't violent towards us, and she did her best. She would frequently bring strange men home, and you could imagine the things we'd see. After our father was finally gone, she would sometimes leave for days on end. All 5 of us kids just left alone. 

One day she left, said she was going to get money from someone who owes her. She never came back. My youngest sister was just over a year old, my oldest brother was 9. We'd been here before, so we knew exactly what to do. My brother would stay home with my little sister, and my other two sisters and I would walk to school like we did every other day. We knew what to do to not get caught, but I guess we didn't do well enough. 

A week of this goes by, and they finally caught on. My brother hadn't been to school in a week, and we hadn't bathed, combed our hair, or changed clothes in the same. On that last day, instead of walking home at the end of the day we were called into the office. The waiting for the three of us was; my brother, sister, DHS, and the police. Wed been caught onto. 

They immediately take us to the youth shelter. Which is just a nicer way of saying orphanage. We were there for over a month before our mom came. How long would we have been left alone? Why didn't she come sooner? We spent a few more weeks there, before we were all split up. 

After the shelter we bounced around, from foster home to foster home and back to the shelter. Until our grandma, grandpa, aunts, and uncles won custody of us. We stayed with them until our grandma was stricken with cancer, and they just couldn't take care of us anymore. Back to the shelter we went. 

This was only for a short time. We were then sent to the family that eventually adopted us. Our family. We've had our ups and downs with them. Six years after being adopted, we lost our adoptive father. The man we all consider our real father. Since being adopted we hadn't looked in the direction of our biological family. 

But what happens when over 15 years later, they try to come roaring back into your life? My birth mother has recently attempted to contact my siblings and I through Facebook. Why?! After all these years? I have no interest in asking questions, and I have no answers for her questions. I know the events of our past, and I stand to gain nothing from contact with her. Is this for her own peace of mind? Is this how she plans to make herself feel better about everything? Do I talk to her and give her that, when she's given me nothing but heartache and bad memories? Am I bitter for not wanting to talk to her? What would other people do? Am I wrong for just wanting her to be gone, and not come back? I wish her no ill will, and only the best. But it is in mine and my family's best interest to not be involved with her. 

I was raised by two amazing people, and given a great life. I've been afforded many opportunities because of them. I'm thankful everyday for the family I've gained through this adoption, and for the people that are a part of my life because of it.