A Mother's Love

Inherent with the gift of life, is mortality. We live everyday subconsciously avoiding the thought of it. We all know we'll die one day, but can't even fathom the idea. I haven't ever had to face my own, but I know that my initial feelings and thoughts would probably be a little selfish. As I'm sure many people's are. I witnessed something today so profound that it will stay with me for the rest of my life.

For those that don't know; my mother was recently diagnosed with stage four lung cancer(she'll be mad at me for posting this because she doesn't want anyone to worry). It was discovered a few weeks ago, while hospitalized for pneumonia. It goes without saying that the diagnoses has been devastating. Many things to sort through in mine and my sibling's minds. We're not sure what to expect, but know we want to be there for our mother.

On the other side of things is my mom. Faced, ultimately, with her own mortality. Has she been selfish? Not a bit! Never has been! She has consistently reassured and comforted us. Being totally selfless, and putting her concerns aside to address ours. My mom has never been a "me first" kind of person. I mean, she adopted five orphaned hooligans! She is compassionate, unwaivering, abstemious, gracious, proud, and strong. Knowing this of my mom still couldn't have prepared me for today.

She was admitted to the hospital yesterday due to complications. I won't get into the specifics of the hospital, but the experiences have been horrific. It's amazing that a hospital is allowed to operate this way. Mom needed a procedure to drain fluid from her lung, and ease her breathing. Principally, an easy and low risk procedure. However, due to negligence of the hospital staff, it became potentially life threatening.

I arrived at the hospital, immediately greeted by my little sister. She had a packet in her hands, and informed me that mom had given her and I the power of attorney. Not truly knowing the severity of the situation, I wondered why. Could it really be that bad after a matter of a few weeks? I then entered the room, and saw aunts, an uncle, and cousins I hadn't seen in a few years. That being my fault. Then, I saw my mother...hooked up to a bipap looking almost lost. She was sitting up and responsive, but her mind was clearly somewhere else. I gave her a hug, a kiss, and said hello in the way only I know how. I'm a goof in times of duress. If it makes sense it was my mom sitting there, but it also wasn't.

Shortly after I arrived they came to take her down for the procedure. We all gave her hugs and kisses, and I told her "I'll see you soon, mom." As my little sister, Lindsay, was giving her a hug, what my mom said floored me. Even suffering from respitory acidosis and on the way into a procedure that could lead to her death she said, "get something to eat...my debit card is in my purse..."

A mother's love...

Atlas

Throughout life, we often feel like the weight of the world is on our shoulders. We carry something with us that is greater than ourselves. Whether we know it or not, it is our responsibility to hold our world together, to stand strong, and never falter. Is it a punishment or an honor? That's for the individual to decide.

In our lives we are faced with circumstances. Let's call them trial and tribulations. Events that are meant to test our strength and will. Whether it be financial, health, relationships, career, or many other possibilities. We expect ourselves to come out, unscathed. That however, is not an option. Take it as you will, it's not.

The old adage goes, "what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger." False! What doesn't kill us, gives us a choice. A choice to let it conquer us, or enable us. Enable us to be better people, more convicted, more passionate, more understanding, more persistent, and more insightful than we could have ever imagined. On the other hand we can allow it to destroy us. We can give tragedy the strength to define us, to own us, and to prohibit us from living.

It's up to the individual. When confronted with tragedy will you falter, or shrug and reposition the load? They say, "God only tests those that can handle it." So, I see it not as a punishment to go through this, but an honor. God knows the strength of my heart, along with my mother and siblings. God knows that there is nothing that can break us down.  God knows that no matter what hardship is sent our way, that we WILL overcome it. We will come out stronger, on the other end.

Many may not know me as a religious man, but I am. I've read the bible, cover to cover. Since I was a child, my favorite book has always been Job. I won't get into it here, but whenever you are struggling, read a passage from The Book of Job. You'll soon understand that you are not being punished, but honored.