Inherent with the gift of life, is mortality. We live everyday subconsciously avoiding the thought of it. We all know we'll die one day, but can't even fathom the idea. I haven't ever had to face my own, but I know that my initial feelings and thoughts would probably be a little selfish. As I'm sure many people's are. I witnessed something today so profound that it will stay with me for the rest of my life.
For those that don't know; my mother was recently diagnosed with stage four lung cancer(she'll be mad at me for posting this because she doesn't want anyone to worry). It was discovered a few weeks ago, while hospitalized for pneumonia. It goes without saying that the diagnoses has been devastating. Many things to sort through in mine and my sibling's minds. We're not sure what to expect, but know we want to be there for our mother.
On the other side of things is my mom. Faced, ultimately, with her own mortality. Has she been selfish? Not a bit! Never has been! She has consistently reassured and comforted us. Being totally selfless, and putting her concerns aside to address ours. My mom has never been a "me first" kind of person. I mean, she adopted five orphaned hooligans! She is compassionate, unwaivering, abstemious, gracious, proud, and strong. Knowing this of my mom still couldn't have prepared me for today.
She was admitted to the hospital yesterday due to complications. I won't get into the specifics of the hospital, but the experiences have been horrific. It's amazing that a hospital is allowed to operate this way. Mom needed a procedure to drain fluid from her lung, and ease her breathing. Principally, an easy and low risk procedure. However, due to negligence of the hospital staff, it became potentially life threatening.
I arrived at the hospital, immediately greeted by my little sister. She had a packet in her hands, and informed me that mom had given her and I the power of attorney. Not truly knowing the severity of the situation, I wondered why. Could it really be that bad after a matter of a few weeks? I then entered the room, and saw aunts, an uncle, and cousins I hadn't seen in a few years. That being my fault. Then, I saw my mother...hooked up to a bipap looking almost lost. She was sitting up and responsive, but her mind was clearly somewhere else. I gave her a hug, a kiss, and said hello in the way only I know how. I'm a goof in times of duress. If it makes sense it was my mom sitting there, but it also wasn't.
Shortly after I arrived they came to take her down for the procedure. We all gave her hugs and kisses, and I told her "I'll see you soon, mom." As my little sister, Lindsay, was giving her a hug, what my mom said floored me. Even suffering from respitory acidosis and on the way into a procedure that could lead to her death she said, "get something to eat...my debit card is in my purse..."
A mother's love...
