Tuesday June 17, 2008
We're all joking and laughing, trying to make the most of this last ride together. Hiding the fact that we all want to cry. "Fuck it! Who wants to go to Mexico instead?" I joke. A quiet chuckle from James. Strange, James is never at a loss for words. Allison hasn't really said much this whole morning, and Raymond is complaining about the other drivers. Eventually, we end up at the Orange County Courthouse. Where we all knew we were headed, but wished we weren't. We've got plenty of time, yet, I can't seem to take mine. I walk fast and ahead of the others. They probably assume I just want to get it over with. They're wrong, I just couldn't face them. The courtroom is closed. I guess I was blessed with a few extra minutes. We all head out to the smoking patio. It's crowded and noisy, yet all I can seem to hear is the cigarette burning. No words were exchanged.
We head back to the courtroom, and it opens shortly afterwards. We find our seats, and I make sure to sit next to the aisle. Just in case I change my mind and decide to run. I hug James, "I love you buddy." I hug Raymond, "I love you bro" he whispers. Then there's Allison. There one person I let down the most. I give a hug and tell her I love her. We can't seem to let go, and I can't hear anything but her sobs.
My public defender Kelly comes over to talk to me. I pitch the idea of house arrest, again. Knowing how far from the plate that change up is. She tells me she'll try, but can't promise anything. The judge calls my name. I panic! Kelly is speaking with another client. "is this really it? Is it that quick?" I wonder. Then Kelly comes sliding home, head first. She postpones the sentencing, if only for a few minutes.
I return to my seat with a slight sense of hope. Raymond's head is in his hands, James stares straight ahead, and Allison can't stop shaking. I tell them it will be okay, either way. I was lying!
Kelly emerges from the chamber room. She walks over to the man, who had her sidetracked earlier. "Her offer is six years," she tells him. Not a good sign for me. Just means the judge is in a bad mood. She heads over to me, and I already know it's bad news. "Looks like you're going to have to go in," she tells me. As prepared as I thought I was, I was that much more not. I keep a strong face for my sister. Maybe if she thinks I'm not afraid, she won't be.
There I stand, before the judge. She tells me what I've known for the past three months, "you'll be serving 120 days." A "good luck" from Kelly, "palms together" from the deputies, two cuffs ratcheting down on my freedom, and I'm officially inmate #2457613.
I sit handcuffed in plain view for another 10 minutes. The deputies finish the paperwork, open the door, and stand me up. Two steps, I give my sister one last glance, and I'm gone. I walk down a long corridor, fighting back the tears. After a few searches, and final paperwork down to the basement holding cells. I sit in a cell with three other "newbooks." We are moved around between a few cells, then were loaded onto the bus.
I get to the main processing center. Also known as "the loop." This is the part I dreaded the most. When I was originally arrested I spent about 19 hours here. The cells are stuffy, but cold at the same time. Maximum capacity on the door clearly states 15, I count 21. People are sleeping on the floors, their heads resting on the piss stained concrete. The toilets are backed up, the faucets don't work, and the whole thing smells of urine and sweat.
Things are actually moving along quite smoothly. "We should be housed within two hours," says a pissed off drug addict who's coming down from a good one. Then things just stop. All the while I can see the deputies having a good ole time, joking and laughing with each other. While we wait in this festering cesspool called a cell.
I have no sense of time, and was hoping to be housed in time to watch game six of the finals. I realized that didn't happen, when I caught a glimpse of a deputy's watch. The little hand on the nine, and the big hand on the three. 9:15 p.m. I've been here for almost 10 hours. I decide to ask the deputy a question. Knowing that talking to them was a bad idea. "Who won the game?" I blurted. Waiting for the bad news, or my head smashed against the wall. "The Celtics," he responds with absolutely no emotion. The first good news I'd heard all day.
I'm finally house around 1 a.m. 15 hours in the loop! Drove me insane. I wanted to be anywhere but there. Until i saw where I was going. A 60 man cell with at least 100 men in it. Felt like a dungeon. No windows, no sunlight, I couldn't even sit up in my bunk, and I was top rack.
All I wanted was sleep. So, I did.
